Fall

Let’s talk about sex, baby

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by Dr Nekia Walker

Maintaining a healthy, vibrant sex life has always been a difficult task for couples. But in today’s world, with the busy and demanding lives we lead, relationships face even more challenges. Many couples struggle to balance careers, families and social lives on top of their commitment to one another. So how do we add sex and intimacy into the mix without totally losing our minds? Here are some tips for those looking to keep things spicy and fun in the bedroom.

Prioritise
Making time for one another seems obvious and simple enough, yet it’s one of the biggest challenges couples face today. I suggest that partners start by making a conscious effort to carve out time in their schedules for one another each week. Agree that your relationship is indeed important; otherwise, you’ll continue to make excuses for why your sex life has gone downhill. Like with everything else in life, you have to put effort into your relationships to make it successful. Parents with young children should abandon the idea of ‘doing it all without asking for help’. You’re doing no one any favours by trying to juggle a dozen balls at once and will only cause relationship burn-out if you stay on this track. The fewer commitments you have on your plate means the more time and energy you’ll have to devote to your spouse. Don’t be afraid to rely on friends, family, godparents or babysitters to pitch in with the kids from time to time.

Flirt throughout the Day
While it’s easy to tap into your fun and flirty side at the beginning of a courtship, I find that many couples tend to stop seducing their partner over time. The seriousness of day to day obligations and disappointments within the relationship takes a toll and people simply lose their attraction to one another. Flirting doesn’t have to be raunchy and overtly sexual, instead, you just need to look at your significant other with fresh eyes. Start by making an effort to check in with one another throughout the day. Just like we make time daily to check emails, sports scores and social media updates, we also need to take a few minutes to find out how our significant other is doing. Growing apart due to living separate lives is a very real threat to couples. It kills your relationship and your sex life, but you can avoid this by simply becoming a part of one another’s everyday lives.

Be Adventurous
Instead of looking at sex as a task or a performance, view it as an adventure. No matter how long you’ve been together as a couple, there is always something new to discover about one another’s bodies and sexual appetite. Begin foreplay long before you hit the sheets, and approach it as an opportunity to explore rather than a means to simply get one another turned on enough for the main event.

Dr Nekia Walker has a PhD in transpersonal counselling, which focuses on self-improvement, sexuality and relationships. At her Southampton-based practice, she offers a range of treatments, including eastern-based massage therapy for relaxation, acupressure and acupuncture, complementary medicine based on Oriental techniques, herbal medicine and a sauna.

Find her at drnekia.com.

This article was originally published in the Fall 2019 edition of RG Magazine. 

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