There usually isn’t a quick solution when someone is locked in a cycle of abuse. But with expertise, patience, and above all love, the Centre Against Abuse can find a way to break that circle.
Laurie Shiell, executive director of the organisation since 2008, recalled one survivor who recognised she was in a mess – but was in love with that mess.
“We had a client who would come to us for help because her partner was abusive,” Ms Shiell said.
“A church member or family member would call us and ensure that she came to us for support, but she would always leave and go back to the abuser, who was her children’s father.
“Then one day she said she had a lightbulb moment.”
That epiphany came when the woman recognised her three children were being impacted by the abuse – and realised she loved the youngsters more than she loved the “mess” of her relationship.
Thanks to the Centre Against Abuse, the woman was finally able to move away from her abuser.
“The Centre Against Abuse put seeds in her to know she has a space to go,” Ms Shiell said.
“Every time she came back to us, she was loved in the same way as if she was brand new. We had reached a place where she trusted us.
“Sometimes survivors leave someone abusive, but then three or four weeks later they want to go back to that person. That’s when the Centre Against Abuse provides a space for you and is still there for you.”
Since its foundation under its original name the Physical Abuse Centre in 1979, the Centre Against Abuse has offered vital support to thousands of abused women, men and children.
Centre Against Abuse statistics show more than 130 cases of abuse are recorded in Bermuda every year.
In the past five years, 721 cases of abused women have been recorded, and 35 cases of abused men. In 2023, 126 women were abused and 7 men.
The Centre Against Abuse’s mission is to eradicate intimate partner abuse and sexual abuse in Bermuda. It may sound like an ambitious target, but aiming high is vital because the impact of abuse is so far-reaching.
Ms Shiell said: “Abuse is linked to gang violence. Abuse is a cause for difficulties with children’s behaviour in school. It leads to lack of self-esteem. It leads to the continuation of abuse. When a child’s parent is abused, it affects the mental health of a child at a far higher rate than a child who is being abused directly.
“It might show up in school, where someone might be labelled as the naughty child. But that’s because they have all this stuff that they can’t express or explain. They don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but it feels wrong.
“It shows up as disruption. It shows up as not doing work. Nobody’s asked me or talked to my mom and dad.”
The Centre Against Abuse advises abused parents to let teachers know when their young child might be impacted by abuse.
“Just let them know what’s happening so they don’t penalise him or her,” she said. “We need to love on him or her instead. Love can conquer this.”
The Centre Against Abuse has led the fight against all kinds of abuse, including emotional, financial, physical, verbal, sexual and social.
Ms Shiell said abuse can happen to anyone.
“It can be with intimate partners, it can be between someone who is elderly and their caretaker, it can be between someone and their child, or a child and an adult,” she said.
“It’s about power and control and someone who is some type of relative who is using behaviours to control you, to gain and maintain that power and control.”
While there is a long way to go, Ms Shiell believes mindsets have shifted for the better.
Regarding sexual abuse victims, she said: “I’ve seen some survivors say my family has ostracised me, but I’m not going to let what happened to me happen to my child.
“I have seen people’s mindsets change. I have seen people say I want to out my family members. People are becoming more aware of the importance of supporting victims and not blaming victims.
“We are now seeing historical cases come before the courts at an unprecedented rate. We’re seeing that once a year. We are seeing positive results from that.”
Colleagues from similar agencies in the UK and Caribbean have been impressed that Bermuda has secured convictions through the courts.
Ms Shiell said better education from groups such as Saving Children and Revealing Secrets has encouraged survivors to come forward; the Department of Public Prosecutions office does an excellent job speaking with clients when they report cases; police officers, in particular the Vulnerable Person’s Unit, are well trained to handle these issues. There is also better collaboration between all these groups, as well as the Government Departments of Child and Family Services and Ageing and Disability Services, so that everyone is on the same page.
Ms Shiell praised Tinée Furbert, the Minister of Youth, Social Development and Seniors, as well as Police Commissioner Darrin Simons for offering tremendous support and making tackling abuse a top priority.
Eradicating abuse will require all of society playing its part: talking openly to children from a young age and working with the abusers themselves.
“Our biggest challenge is ensuring that abusers are not only held responsible but there are services readily available for them as well,” Ms Shiell said.
“This starts from young. When you see those bad behaviours in school, those supportive services must be readily available.
“A child might just be labelled unruly at school. But we might be also seeing some of the behaviours that are a sign that something is going on – the child may not smell nice, may smell of urine.
“It could be that the child has something internally and it’s not that something is happening at home. But us not addressing it does not help the child.”
To make abuse a thing of the past, people need to speak up about it.
“If you’re not sure what to say, contact us,” Ms Shiell said.
“If you’re not sure what’s going on, contact us. If you’re not sure what you’re feeling about what someone said to you, contact us. Help is available for you.
“If you feel you have abusive ways and you want help, help is available for you. Before it becomes too late, come now.”
Items on the agenda in future include pushing towards legal change to provide more support and protection for children and victims in the courts, as well as a national plan on domestic abuse.
“The unfortunate thing is that abuse is nothing new,” Ms Shiell said.
“But we want to make it old. We want to make it a thing of the past.”
