Whether you’re moving house because you want to, or because you have to, there is always going to be stress and emotion involved in packing your worldly possessions into boxes, physically getting them to your new house and then trying to turn that house into a home.
Dr Claudia Cobon is a senior clinical psychologist at Solstice who has helped clients navigate different life changes. She shared her advice about managing a move, helping your family adjust to their new surroundings and supporting your loved ones, especially seniors, if they have to move out of their home against their wishes.
Prepare, plan, accept help
Moving house is stressful and, if this stress is not managed well, it could have a negative impact on your mental health in terms of anxiety, sleep, appetite or mood.
Should someone already have a propensity for a mental health issue such as depression, obsessive compulsive disorder or bipolar disoder, Dr Cobon warned that such a stressor could trigger an episode.
Preparing and planning as much as possible can help with this.
“Look into where you are moving to, do research as a way to create a little bit of certainty. Focus on the things you can control,” she said.
Moving house involves a lot of physical work. If someone offers help, accept it. And don’t be afraid to ask. If you’re in a financial position to do so, consider paying for help.
“Ask for help from friends and family,” Dr Cobon said. “If you can, perhaps pay for help as well just to take some of that stress off your plate. And then, accept help from people. If someone wants to cook you a meal or pack a box for you, let them do it.”
Emotional support
Where someone is moving house because of a family breakdown or for financial reasons, they feel even more out of control or uncertain. In this situation, Dr Cobon recommended talking to someone they trust.
“If there is an emotional or psychological reason, get some help to work through the issues relating to that reason,” she said.
“It would be either speaking to friends and family first, but if you’re feeling like you need more help, talk to a GP or a psychologist or psychiatrist.”
This could help someone feel more in control.
If you are a parent, managing your own stress is particularly important for your children as it will help them feel better about the move.
Help your children feel good
Like adults, children want certainty and security. Dr Cobon recommended giving them as much information as appropriate about a forthcoming house move.
“Sometimes parents want to protect their kids and feel like we won’t share too much with them,” she said.
“But what can happen then is kids can start to make up things in their minds if they’re not given an opportunity to talk about it.”
Make sure you listen to them as well as talking to them.
“Share with them what is happening,” Dr Cobon said.
“Talk them through those steps. Talking about it in a really positive way can help, but, on the other hand, also trying to acknowledge and validate that change is really hard and scary and that all of you will be doing it together.”
Another strategy is to involve them in the planning and, if possible, give them a job to do in their new home, such as decorating their new bedroom.
If they are moving overseas, Dr Cobon recommended involving the children in research about where they are moving to, looking up their school or investigating fun things to do once they get there.
The latter is particularly important for students leaving Bermuda to live overseas for the first time.
“What I always suggest to people is going away to visit the university or doing a lot of research about the environment. And having a good plan for how to seek out support for when you get there.”
If someone is struggling with their mental health, you can help by looking into GPs, counsellors or psychologists as well as social groups or sports facilities.
Dr Cobon has considerable personal experience moving house with her own family
She moved to Bermuda from Australia ten years ago and since then has had to move house four times.
On arrival, she had two young children and the eldest was aged three. She is now a mother of three.
“That initial move, we talked about it as much as we could,” she shared.
“We got her excited about moving to Bermuda. We also had plans for when family were going to visit, so talking about that as something to look forward to.”
When moving house in Bermuda, she showed the children their new house before they moved, got them to measure their bedrooms and think about where they might like to put things. This, she said, “got them excited about the new possibilities of the house”.
Supporting seniors
When seniors need to move out of their homes into, for example, an assisted living facility, it can be a particularly emotional experience.
Patience and understanding is crucial in this situation.
“It’s really scary having to give up your independence,” Dr Cobon said.
“It might not change the outcome, but it’s really important to validate how they are feeling and just be patient with them and kind or compassionate. It’s hard for decisions to be made on your behalf when perhaps you don’t want them.”
It’s vital to communicate, plan and research. Start conversations as early as possible to give time for processing and reflection, and get as many family members involved as appropriate so they feel supported.
Then, once they have moved, help them to make their new surroundings feel homely.
“Let them take things from their home to decorate the room or apartment,” Dr Cobon advised.
‘So they have their bedding, their soft furnishings and their photos around so they feel as comfortable as possible.”
