There is both an Art and a Science to aging well. 

The scientific part is basically good medical care. Regular check-ups with your GP and, as necessary, specialists (under the control of your GP). In today’s medical world there are so many tests and types of quality information to be used by your GP. Hopefully the GP can explain the results fully and easily. There is no requirement to be a health expert certainly but in today’s online world, the advent of “Dr. Google” can be a hindrance and a benefit. 

Every GP will tell you that online searching based on your self-determined conditions and feelings can be dangerous. There is no advantage to self-determination. That is not good. Get the expert’s advice. 

On the other hand, if you do want to have more details about your situation as determined by your GP, then searching can be useful to explain more treatment or expectations. Knowledge is a good thing – but only look at reputable websites – and avoid sites that are selling the best product for “xxxx”. Their so-called information is totally commercially driven. Pinch of salt. 

So, the scientific elements of aging well are widely documented, and should be based on your professional advice and treatments. 

The Art element is a little more complex. 

Perhaps instead of using the word “art” we should be using the expression “psychological effect”. While the scientific advice is generally based on fact, the application of the advice is very personal, and one person can follow the advice easily and fully, while another person can sometimes have a “take it or leave it” attitude. Maybe they start the first week, then they fall away. The science hasn’t changed since last week but their adherence to it may have dwindled. 

The aging process is a mixture of many issues – financial, home life, hobbies, friendships, social media etc., so to only adhere to certain aspects of getting older and ignore others may be a problem. 

On the health side of things, taking care of yourself – the wellness factor – is critical. Nutrition and exercise are probably the key ingredients of a healthy lifestyle. 

Exercise is not only important but can be fun. Going to the local gym is a great option but not for everyone. But if you do go to the gym, exercise gently but regularly. For years we were told that aerobic exercise (treadmill, rowing machine, stationary bike) was the primary function. It still is of course but some anaerobic exercise has become increasingly advised. Lifting weights for example is not for everyone but buy a couple of small barbells (maybe 5 or 10 pounds each) and sit in a chair and lift them one arm at a time for 5-10 minutes. Every day will make a big difference to muscle tone and body structure. 

Go for a nice walk in the neighborhood – or drive to the local park and smell the flowers as you meander. Not a fast pace but make the effort. Maybe 30 minutes two or three times each week. Enjoy the fresh air and engage in deep breathing (fill the lungs, hold, release). 

This exercise business sounds like a scientific measurement issue which in some ways it is – but the biggest obstacle to overcome and get it done is in the mind. Your mind. No point in talking about starting “next week” – the proper mindset must make you get up and go now. That is where your inner drive kicks in. 

Nutrition is the other big one. 

To the best of your abilities – availability and cost – eating fresh food, especially vegetables is crucial. If it means you visit the grocery store several times every week to get fresh produce, then so be it. That once-a-week trip to the supermarket may be more convenient in your busy schedule but getting fresh produce every other day will make a huge difference to your eating habits. 

Most of us are obsessed by convenience foods – in tins – and usually full of sugar or sodium. Some tinned goods are fine but be careful about the ingredients. Perhaps you have a little more time than when you were working full-time, so spend time in the supermarket and look at every tin or bag of food – fresh, frozen, cooked, and from the butcher. 

Cooking in olive oil or red wine vinegar (it’s not alcoholic) or plain salted butter is preferred. No need to deep-fry food to get taste and flavor. If you do crave that kind of taste, then perhaps you should change the food you eat. Plain, simple cooking can be a pleasure to eat – and healthier. Junk food should be banned from your house. 

Other aspects of aging well include being at peace with yourself and family. Don’t carry the burden of poor relationships too far or too often. The psychological impact of things “on your mind” over time, can be debilitating. 

As we age, the sleep factor also becomes more of a problem. Getting eight hours every night is a great idea – if only we could get it. Sleeping medications are fine if prescribed by your GP – and the occasional use of such pills will be fine – just don’t get addicted. If you need a nap in the afternoon because you didn’t sleep well the night before – go for it – unless you have a full-time job where you need to make time. A thirty-minute nap is more than enough. 

The big secret to aging well is simple: Look after yourself – no-one else will. 

Do everything in moderation but do it. Don’t chicken out. Have a regular schedule and stick to it. Some days you’ll feel great, some days rotten – but every day is a day that has been given to you – treat it well. 

The post How to Age Well: Tips for Healthy Aging appeared first on RG Magazines.

By Vicki Abraham 

A LOVE STORY. 

Jim Yates, a single, happy bachelor, was in his home office in Atlanta when he took a call from a business associate, Bermuda’s Deputy Mayor at the City of Hamilton. 

At the same moment Claudette, the Recording Secretary for Hamilton’s City Hall, entered the Deputy Mayor’s office with a work request as she often did; it was a usual workday. She saw him on the phone and turned to leave but he called her back and gestured to take a seat; he wanted to introduce Claudette to the man he was on the call with. 

It was unexpected and awkward, but they exchanged pleasantries and Jim offered to meet Claudette any time that she was in the Atlanta area. Neither Jim nor Claudette could have known that seven years after that light-hearted and impromptu introduction, they would marry! 

Pre-pandemic Jim lived a busy life, he volunteered a lot, was involved in events and he always had a lot of people around him; he was very social and wasn’t looking for love, yet he was inspired. 

“It’s never too late for love,” Jim shared, “I’d been single all my life with no intention of getting married and then sparks started flying when we met and we enjoyed each other’s company, the chemistry was there, communication was there, and connectivity was there. I think those were all the main ingredients that drew us together. I think the flipside of being in your 70’s is that no one really wants to grow old by themselves, so I was probably more open to having somebody special come into my life at this point in time. Claudette’s the only one who has been able to work that magic after all these years!” 

A HUMAN NEED. 

Margaret Swift Thompson, a CTA Certified Coach and licensed counselor says, “companionship and connection is a human need. People as they age may say, ‘I don’t have the energy to do that again’, ‘I don’t want to risk it’, or ‘It’s too scary’; people can let fear stop them from connection.” 

“I don’t think you’re ever too old to have love”, she said, “but if someone feels that way, it’s OK. What about looking for someone who could be a companion to go to the movies with, or go out to dinner with, or join a club with, or travel with, once you get to that comfort level?” 

People who have been single for many years may use social media to avoid loneliness. Margaret says, “It’s an avenue some people seek because at least there’s a connection. You’re able to send a message, a picture, and chat briefly here and there, although after a while they may find that it’s not enough. People who feel this way can ask themselves, ‘What am I willing to do differently?’ ‘Am I willing to put myself out there to meet people?” 

DATING CAN BE DAUNTING. 

Margaret’s advice is, “If dating feels intimidating, think of it more as meeting new friends, start with a conversation. At any age the key to connection is communication. Counter to connection is letting life go by and staying in a rut.” 

Jim and Claudette’s fairy tale story is not uncommon. They have friends in the age group who recently married after their romance began a few years ago with a chance conversation at the post office. 

“It could happen to anyone,” Claudette said, “we just have to be open to the possibility that it could happen and not shut ourselves off because we’ve been through things in life and in relationships, the good, the bad and the indifferent. I decided to meet with Jim out of curiosity, I was in Atlanta, and I knew he was familiar with Bermuda, so why not? A lot of women and men don’t give themselves a chance to love again. Neither Jim nor I ever thought we would be in the space that we’re in now, a married couple, that just never crossed our minds at the time. Over time we grew closer through conversation and doing things together, and we both like to travel.” 

WHERE TO START. 

When you’re ready to meet someone, how and where do you go? It all looks very different now than it did 50 years ago! Start with your own community; who do you know and who could introduce you to new people? Dating sites are also popular. 

Entrepreneur and social media author Lon Safko was quoted in Forbes Magazine in May 2021, “As more and more seniors have become increasingly comfortable with the Internet, social platforms, and smartphones, senior internet dating sites have become very popular. 

Sites like Zoosk, EliteSingles, SilverSingles, and OurTime focus on seniors meeting, while sites like eHarmony, Match, and Christian Mingle are experiencing huge growth with seniors.” Seniors are also using the dating app Tinder to meet people their age. 

IS IT SAFE? 

It’s true that some older people fall into traps and scams, and they’re taken advantage of because they’re lonely. They meet someone online who’s not who they say they are, they take people at face value and trust that their story is true. It’s important to be cautious when meeting people online. 

Agree to meet the person at a public place, do activities and hobbies that you both enjoy; e.g; golfing, volunteering, service work, attending a community centre or going to the movies. 

When Claudette first met Jim in person it was a short meeting in a safe public space – at an airport on a layover. When she eventually stayed with Jim, she was sure to let her children know where she would be and with whom. 

“He invited me up to Atlanta for Superbowl, so I talked it over with my youngest son. He said, ‘Yeah Mom, go for it.’ I gave him Jim’s number and address and all the information I had on Jim. I thought, I don’t know this man and I’m going to his house! 

“As it happened, we had a really great time, we hit it off. We went to a Superbowl party with his friends and when I came back to Bermuda, we stayed in contact the whole time.” 

THE TECH ADVANTAGE. 

When they first met, a long-distance relationship was no concern for Claudette and Jim. Thanks to WhatsApp they were in touch every day with video chat and sharing photos. Jim said, “I love the technology, we were constantly in touch, it made a big difference.” 

Listening to a podcast can help with ideas and confidence building and there are some great options available. Bermuda-based Dr. Michelle St Jane published a series about online dating on her podcast: Life & Leadership: A Conscious Journey. Look up these episodes: 

• Online Dating: The Deep Dive, Hazards and Risks | Kate Hames 

• The 10-Hour 1st Date | Chyanne and Darryl Smith. They talk with great humour about online dating and cover topics like, Stages of divorce and the education that goes with it’, and ‘When to introduce someone to your children!’ 

Another podcast, ‘Dating While Gray’ may offer tips and ideas on finding love in your age group. 

Margaret acknowledged that at any age and especially in your 70’s, “It takes guts and tenacity to put yourself out there, is not for the faint of heart. It requires vulnerability and that’s hard for a lot of people. It starts with the question; “Am I willing to put myself out there?” 

The post It’s Never Too Late for Love appeared first on RG Magazines.

By Donna Janda 

When you reach your 60’s, if in your past, you had children at home, it may be a challenge to adjust and cook just for you or just for two. I know, I have been there, just trying to make some oatmeal for myself for breakfast and having to change to a larger pot as the oats continue to swell up and overflow my one-person pot. The same happens to me when I am trying to make a stew for two. I just cannot seem to rein myself in. After decades of not measuring and just knowing what to do, old habits die slowly, as the stream of ingredients continue to flow into my pot. 

If you are struggling like me, I would suggest that you start by finding a recipe you like and following it. This will help you to get your portion sizes right. 

Now is not the time to get stuck in your ways. Variety is not only the spice of life, but it is also necessary to keep you interested in your meals, and to give yourself a balanced diet along with a variety of nutrients and minerals. 

Another thing that can help with experimenting is to travel using your kitchen. Try and allocate a type of cuisine to each week and be adventurous! One week, experiment with Mexican foods. Fill yourself up with tacos, fajitas, or empanadas. The following week, take a trip to Zimbabwe. Experiment by sautéing onions with pumpkin leaves or another green leafy vegetable and eat it with sadza. You will be surprised by how enjoyable this will be. 

This is also a great opportunity to make foods we love but are a bit pricy when we eat out. Foods such as sushi are delicious and expensive, and yet relatively cheap and easy to make at home, once you have the correct sushi rice and a trusty bamboo rolling mat. You will be surprised with how many you can make in such a short time, and for a fraction of the cost of restaurant sushi. If you are vegetarian, a couple of avocados, a cucumber and two carrots, will go a long, long way. Add some thinly sliced pickled ginger on the top and have some nostril hair burning wasabi on the side, and you are good to go. 

After all of this experimenting, you can discover what spices and ingredients you love, and then start to incorporate them into your everyday cooking. 

One of the benefits of cooking at home is that you get to tailor your meals and ingredients to suit your health needs. When you eat out, you rarely get to control the sugar, salt, or fat content of your meals. Yet, this is precisely what you get to do when cooking for you or cooking for two. If you are on a low salt diet, but need more flavour, then try adding some celery seeds. If you need to eat less sugar, try substituting it with agave, honey or stevia, a natural sweetener that you can grow in your own garden. 

There are so many benefits to cooking your own meals, and now we have some fresh ideas to keep our plates interesting, and our palates salivating and wanting more. So, go ahead, try something new, and dig into something special. 

The post Cooking for You, Cooking for Two appeared first on RG Magazines.

By Tim Smith 

Dating brings its own set of challenges for any couple – but there’s an extra set of hurdles when an age gap is involved. 

So, while it may be comforting to tell ourselves age doesn’t matter as we embark on a new relationship with somebody significantly older or younger than us, it’s crucial we know what we’re letting ourselves in for. 

The first test, according to relationships expert Dr Nekia Walker, will often be to tackle a stigma applied by friends, family, colleagues, peers and society at large. 

“It seems that when people encounter couples with wide age gaps, they go into detective mode to try to figure out what is the attraction between the two,” Dr Walker explained. “As much as we would like to think so, we do not live in a protective relationship bubble, so the attitudes of people will have an impact on the relationship. Therefore, if we choose this path, we need to be prepared for the judgment and gossip of others.” 

Dr Walker, a counsellor and intimacy therapist in Bermuda, advised couples to set a solid foundation based on a sense of personal security. 

“Each partner must build individual confidence in their reasons for wanting to be in the relationship as well as confidence in their role in the relationship,” she advised. 

The couple should also build a “combined relationship confidence”, she said, and ensure both can openly share experiences and comfort each other when threatened by outside opinion. 

Another task is accepting that your partner is at a different developmental stage in their life. 

“They may very well have different interests, goals and an overall understanding and outlook on life,” Dr Walker cites. “But even if our partner does have much in common with us, they most likely will be at a different achievement benchmark in their goals and interests. 

This will result in us needing to have tolerance, patience, understanding and a willingness to honour their journey and freedoms of choice to prevent us from becoming judgmental, frustrated, resentful and taking on more of a parental or subordinate role rather than the intended romantic role in their life.” 

Yet if they can navigate through these potential difficulties, couples with an age gap can enjoy a fruitful and prosperous relationship. 

Marion McEachrane was 28 when she met Nolan Smith, 39, after the death of her previous husband, Michael Cann. They were married for 26 years, until Nolan died in his mid-60s. 

“At the time, I was praying that the Lord would send me a husband – someone who was so much like my deceased husband that there was nothing outstanding that would be disappointing,” Marion remembers. “The Lord answered my prayers. It was absolutely amazing how the Lord worked it out. 

They both were born in March, both had three brothers, loved music, and played an instrument. Both worked out at the gym and were in good shape. They both had good jobs; Michael was a school counsellor at Whitney Institute and the president of the Big Brother Big Sister Association, and Nolan was a senior electrical engineer and an on-call engineer for BELCO. Both were very spiritual minded. 

Nolan and I enjoyed 26 years together.” 

There was no stigma, because Marion’s family and friends appreciated Nolan was patient and mature, with a good job, his own home and, like Marion, a God-fearing Christian. 

However, they were at different stages of parenthood. Marion had a one-year-old daughter, Michelle, while Nolan’s children, Daniel and Sherri, were aged 14 and 12. 

“One challenge was that he didn’t want any more children, so by the time we had two more children he was weary,” Marion reflected. “He enjoyed them, though, and enjoyed seeing me happy.” 

Marion also benefitted from Nolan’s maturity over finances. They were able to sell his house and buy another one together. 

“He felt ‘rent money was spent money’,” Marion recalls. “Nolan was very responsible. He took care of business. Together we shared the bills. I didn’t have to worry if any bills were left unpaid. 

We even had life insurance and investments should anything happen to him because he travelled quite a bit for BELCO.” 

Many people, of course, prefer to date someone their own age. 

Dr Walker identified relatability as one of the key factors and points out that: “We tend to see things from similar points of view and can recall things of the past without much explanation of what or who we are talking about.” 

But she added: “There tends to be more competition between the partners. We will most likely face scenarios where the blind will be leading the blind due to a lack of experience on both parts. This can bring about much contention and arguing as neither partner wants to give in.” 

Dr Walker said that the best way of overcoming the challenges of an age gap is to form an honest bond, based on communication, realistic expectations, and empathy. 

“These are important relationship pillars for all romantic relationships, however even more so for those which are overly scrutinized,” she emphasized. 

She highlighted financial security as a possible benefit of having an older partner. 

“In general, older people who are successful in life tend to be more financially secure which affords them the ability to impart invaluable advice while providing income or investment stability which together can help us improve our personal financial situation,” she said. 

“We literally can directly benefit from their hard work and mistakes without having to fall victim to the same pitfalls.” 

Older people also tend to be more emotionally stable. 

“They have entered into the later stages of life where they are seeking a more settled, peaceful, consistent lifestyle, as opposed to when we are younger and seek thrill, adventure, passion, excitement, and instant gratification. 

As a younger partner we can experience a partner who is much more likely to be emotionally available, supportive, committed and faithful.” 

Being the senior partner also brings plus points. 

“Financially, a junior partner can provide us the legal and banking privileges of being younger which could reopen doors to financial ventures that would otherwise be closed to us just because of our age,” Dr Walker justified. 

Meanwhile, younger partners can also share with us their youthful energy which can make a significant difference in our stress levels, perception of success versus failure in life, motivation to fulfil lifelong dreams, daily energy and excitement for life. 

“We can gain a sense of refreshed hope in ourselves, humanity, and life in general while reaping the physical health benefits that come from having such an active and positive mental wellbeing.” 

As for Marion, she has married again after Nolan passed in 2015. With her new husband, Dr Hollis McEachrane, she has started a ministry in Michigan called Reconciliation to God. 

Her best advice to any woman thinking about dating an older man? 

“Take time to get to know him. Take note of how stable each of you are financially and in your job situation. Make sure he treats you well. Watch how he treats his mother. 

Life is a real journey. Consider making preparations should he die before you and vice-versa. Take one day at a time.” 

The post Braving the age gap: Dating someone much older or younger brings challenges – but you can overcome them appeared first on RG Magazines.

by Melissa Fox 

As you turn the page on your life of hustle and bustle, practising mindfulness will help you discover how to make the most out of the chapters that lays ahead. 

Mindfulness is the act of being fully present and aware of your surroundings and actions; it involves connecting with yourself on a deeper level. Though it can be uncomfortable at first, it can help shape your mood and guide your decisions. 

This period of pause that stretches before you is a perfect time to begin to learn how mindfulness can improve your life, inside and out, particularly when guided by experts like Kim Rego, owner and certified mindfulness teacher at Mindful Bermuda. Where will you begin? 

THE ACT OF REINVENTION IS BOTH MENTAL AND PHYSICAL 

Part of personal growth is exploring your habits and whether a change can improve your quality of life. As registered dietician and nutritionist, Hanah Cannon at Island Nutrition says, “Every meal is a new opportunity to make a different, positive choice.” 

Your lifelong relationship with food will be hard to change, but it’s never too late. For example, one research team followed more than 6,000 people aged 44 to 84 years over seven years. Those who made good-for-you changes like quitting smoking, following a Mediterranean-style diet, getting regular exercise, and maintaining a healthy weight decreased their risk of death during that period by 80 per cent. 

“You’ve worked hard your whole life; eating well and keeping active could help you enjoy the long and healthy retirement you deserve,” Hanah encourages. 

No matter where you are on your journey to health, taking it one step at a time is the key to success. “Don’t try to overhaul your whole diet and lifestyle in one go,” Hanah cautions. Instead, she suggests keeping a tally of your food choices for a few days, and note where you can make minor improvements like upping your water intake or swapping healthy for indulgence (i.e. a Greek yoghurt for dessert). 

Taking control of your health through nutrition means you might be able to manage developing chronic health conditions, as well. For example, you can control arthritis and inflammation flare-ups through healthy eating. 

Prediabetic? You may be able to help reverse this condition through proper diet and programmes like Diabetes X-Pert Prevention & Management, offered by Island Nutrition (and fully covered by all local insurance providers). Contact Island Nutrition at [email protected] or 295 4082 for details. 

Be sure to discuss your plans with your doctor before embarking on a nutrition journey, if only to get clarification around interactions between foods, medications, and supplements. 

“Many foods and supplements can increase, delay, or reduce the medications we take,” Hanah explains. “Sometimes this can be beneficial such as taking Iron with vitamin C can increase the absorption, but taking Iron with tea or coffee will reduce the absorption!” 

IF YOU DON’T USE IT, YOU LOSE IT. 

Maintaining some level of activity is key to longevity, not to mention keeping up with the kids/grandkids. 

“As we age, we develop issues from general wear and tear on the body,” explains Jenille Deveson-Smith, a personal trainer who focuses on helping older clients achieve their fitness goals. “Remaining active can help lower the risk of heart disease, stroke, bone density loss, and more.” 

If you’ve never been one for fitness, the thought of starting can be terrifying. Ease your way in with simple activities, like swimming or walking, and gradually increase the duration or speed as you become more comfortable. 

“Beach walks are particularly challenging and activate more muscle groups, and you can enjoy the view of the water,” Jenille adds – she regularly leads groups through some of the island’s most picturesque locations. Bonus? Outdoor exercise is, by and large, free! Of course, there are advantages to training in a gym, including helpful staff and equipment, but “there are plenty of online workouts that you can do at home, too.” 

While activities like walking or swimming will help improve endurance, strength training is excellent for seniors as well: “Lifting weights is said to increase bone density and overall health and flexibility, but also start slow with low weights and good form,” Jenille says. “I will use a chair and give seated exercises with dumbbells to reduce stress on other body parts. A chair is handy as well because some of my seniors cannot easily get down on the floor and standing for long periods becomes taxing.” 

Before starting any fitness routines, discuss your readiness with your physician. If you don’t know where to begin, consider personal trainers to help and craft a training regimen to help you achieve your goals. 

LETTING GO TO MAKE ROOM FOR MORE 

The possessions you’ve accumulated over a lifetime’s worth of experiences may hold fond memories, but they may not serve you in the next chapter. 

Organising gurus, like Marie Calendar, tout taking a mindful task to the act of purging: does this item serve you? If yes, keep it. If not, cut the ties. Other experts like Karen Shinn, the “Downsizing Diva” who has been assisting with downsizing efforts in Toronto for over 20 years, has discovered its the detritus that clutters forgotten drawers that is often the hardest to part with – books, calendars, cards, and the like. 

Downsizing will free up space in both your home and your mind and maybe bring in a few extra dollars to help fund any dream excursions or adventures, or simply increase your peace. 

Speaking of adventure now is the perfect time to travel (COVID aside). In the last few decades, there has been a renaissance for solo women’s travel, particularly among older generations. Resources like JourneyWoman.com and Solo Traveler offer a wealth of advice and tips for women either just starting or looking for their next journey. 

If finances are a concern, seek out expert advice from your financial institution, or Bermudians can reach out to the Government Department of Financial Assistance (www.gov. bm/department/financial-assistance) for help with managing personal finances, like money management and budgeting. 

All in all, age gracefully and live life to the fullest. 

The post The Reinvention of Self at 60 and Beyond appeared first on RG Magazines.

by Robyn Bardgett 

Reading is one of life’s simple pleasures, but it can also be one of the easiest ways to keep our mind sharp and expand our view of the world. 

Maryanne Wolf, author of the book Proust and the Squid: The Story and Science of the Reading Brain, notes that: “The act of going beyond the text to analyze, infer, and think new thoughts is the product of years of formation. It takes time, both in milliseconds and years, and effort to learn to read with deep, expanding comprehension and to execute all these processes as an adult expert reader. … Because we literally and physiologically can read in multiple ways, how we read–and what we absorb from our reading — will be influenced by both the content of our reading and the medium we use.” 

Whether through real life or fictionalized narratives, books can expose us to different perspectives. While it’s always wonderful to find a book that reflects our own lived experiences, it’s also important to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and search out narratives from diverse authors – whether that means a different race, sexual orientation, or gender. Not only for building up our understanding from different voices but also ensuring that the publishing industry recognises how important it is to provide fair and equal representation of the books that are published and marketed. 

If you need help discovering more reads that hit all of the above, both The Griot (griotbda.com) and Long Story Short (www.longstoryshort.life) have spent time creating a curated collection of diverse reads to add to your TBR pile – whether you’re looking for a better understanding of social commentary or you want to get sucked into an epic fantasy. 

Finding time to read every day can be challenging, but if we make the effort, it can become a habit rather than a chore. Keeping track of our reading habits can make reading fun and also help us to figure out what best to read next based on our interests. 

StoryGraph (thestorygraph.com) not only tracks your reading but uses the statistics from your reading habits to help pick better books choices meaning you’ll find yourself wasting less time on books that don’t hold your attention. 

The Bermuda National Library (www.bnl.bm) is currently running its annual Winter Reading Challenge, which can also help diversify your reading selections and a prize at the end for completing six of the categories is extra motivation. Categories include reading a book by an author you’ve never read before, and a book translated from another language. 

OUR 2022 MUST READS: 

The 1619 Project: A New Origin Story by Nikole Hannah-Jones 

The New York Times Magazine’s initiative to re-frame how those first enslaved people in America continues to weave through the nation’s narrative is expanded in this book to include contributions of further essays, works of fiction, and poetry. 

Hell of A Book by Jason Mott 

A successful black author heads out on a book tour but the story takes readers on journey more far-reaching and compelling about what it means to be black in America. 

Sankofa by Chibundu Onuzo 

A novel that reveals the universal questions of race and the experience of the African diaspora and what it means to find the complexities of identity and the search for a family’s hidden roots. 

The post Expanding Your Mind Through Books appeared first on RG Magazines.

by Tim Smith 

Don’t stress out trying to prove you’re the perfect partner when dating after middle age: just be yourself. 

According to relationships counsellor Cathy Sousa, companionship is the number one goal for people in their 50s and 60s seeking that special someone to share the next chapter of their lives. 

Life experience has taught most mature people that the Prince Charming story doesn’t always work out like it does in the movies. 

So instead of dreaming of a fairytale romance as you embark on a new relationship, Ms Sousa advised to simply focus on exploring whether your personality is compatible with your new potential partner. 

“In their 50s and 60s, people are often more aware of the importance that compatibility and companionship play in a relationship,” Ms Sousa said. 

“Maybe they don’t have that vision of the perfect romance that younger people might have, but often that’s because they’ve learnt to be realistic. So, in addition to physical attraction and intimacy, they’re looking for a compatible partner that can provide easy companionship.” 

Presenting your true self does not have to be a complicated task. 

“By the time we’re in your 50s or 60s, we are generally more comfortable with who we are, and become more realistic about ourselves, more accepting of ourselves,” Ms Sousa said. 

“I think if we are more comfortable with ourselves, as we mature, there’s not so much effort when it comes to presenting our inner self. It’s easier just to be yourself. 

“We are looking for that partner, and we want to be sure that our personalities are compatible. 

“If you are not presenting your real self, you are not generally going to find that good match.” 

The idea of dating can be daunting for people who may be recently divorced or lost their spouse after many years of marriage. 

Ms Sousa suggested: “Go into it as if you are meeting a new friend. Let go of that idea that you have to find the perfect person. 

“I wouldn’t advise going into it with the mindset that I have to attract this person to be in a long-term relationship. Let go of that agenda. Just be natural. Let the conversation flow naturally. 

“Once you interact with that person, sometimes you recognise it’s not a good match in personality. The intentions may not be the same. You might be looking for a more long-term partner, looking towards marriage and then find out that actually this person is not looking for the same thing. 

“But if you can be yourself, and the other person can be themselves, and if you are compatible – then yay!” 

This does not mean, however, that you can neglect taking care of your physical appearance. 

Ms Sousa said: “We know there is an expectation that we have gone to some effort to present ourselves as well as we can. If we are talking about women, presenting a good external image is important. We like to look nice, but then because we are more generally comfortable with ourselves it tends not to be the overriding factor.” 

Beauty specialist Samaela Darrell, owner of St George’s salon Crowned, said many of her clients are trying to start dating again after a divorce. 

“You want to look at your best at all times,” she said. 

“When we look good, we feel good. People love to sit up and look their best so they can face the world. We have so many stresses in today’s world, looking good shouldn’t be one of them. It’s really important for your mental health as a woman.” 

As far as looks are concerned, creating a good first impression is as crucial in your 50s and 60s as it was in your 20s. 

“We have to understand our appearance is something people look at first,” Ms Darrell said. When you walk in the door, that’s immediately what people are looking at,” she said. 

“When we look at a guy for the first time, we analyse him straightaway. So, we have to make sure we are looking our best from head to toe, from the first time he sees us. Everything has to be all together – the complete look, the hair, the nails, the outfit.” 

And while there’s more to making a relationship work than physical appearance, Ms Darrell added: “You are trying to find someone compatible, not someone who looks like they’ve been sweeping the streets. So you want to make sure you are attractive to the right person.” 

Some women struggle with hair loss after menopause, but Ms Darrell said: “I deal with clients with hair issues and there’s nothing we can’t handle in this particular storm to give them what they want.” 

Her top style tip is to keep up with your colour appointments. 

“Nobody wants to see grey hair sneaking through,” she said. 

Fashion designer René Hill, the owner and creative designer of René Hill Originals, encouraged people to dress elegantly – without showing too much flesh – when dating after middle age. 

“It’s important to look the best you can, but not go over the top,” Ms Hill said. 

“Be sexy, but be elegant. When he’s cutting his steak, he needs to be able to focus on what he’s doing! 

“It’s important to make an effort and it does make a difference.” 

Ms Hill said some women like wearing comfortable shoes as they get older but advised: “You haven’t got to always be in heels, but you should have a pair that you can wear sometimes so you can show off the tone of your calf. You hold yourself differently when you’re wearing heels.” 

There’s no hard and fast rule for looking your best. 

Ms Hill said: “If you are a larger lady, then maybe just highlight your best point. If you’ve got great legs, then maybe go with a short skirt instead of having a maxi dress. 

“If your upper body is your best asset, maybe show a little bit, but not too much. 

“If you are short and stumpy, just try to find something appropriate that doesn’t make you look like you’re wearing a sack. 

“If you’re a guy, make sure your pants fit correctly. Don’t be wearing something that has more than two breaks, so the bottom of the legs look like an elephant leg. 

“If you are wearing a jacket, make sure it fits.” 

Ms Hill has helped prepare many of her middle-aged clients for their wedding day, underlining that Bermuda’s dating scene is alive and well for over 50s. 

She said: “So many people who are single say they just can’t find anybody. But there are so many people out there looking.” 

If you can’t seem to find anyone, the advice is simple. 

“Put yourself out there,” Ms Hill said. “Talk to people and make those connections. Don’t just talk to your girlfriend when you go out. 

“Be more confident in yourself. Accept that you have to love you. It could be something very, very simple, like you are a friendly person, or a decent person, or loyal, or a good mom. Find something about yourself that you really love and let that be your rock. Then your confidence will grow.” 

The post Your real-life romance doesn’t have to be a fairy tale appeared first on RG Magazines.

What it takes to make marriage work, from average people to the experts! 

by Tim Smith 

Getting married late in life was a simple decision for Vincent and Patricia Dyer. 

The couple, from Pembroke, had enjoyed a whirlwind romance of home-cooked dinners, cruise vacations and dancing lessons at the Bermuda College Lifelong Learning Centre since a chance meeting in 2018. 

Yet their next move – tying the knot at the age of 78 and 69 respectively – might have seemed like a leap too far for some. 

Not for Vincent, who proposed in front of shocked grandchildren and a restaurant full of guests on a cruise ship, before they married at Rosewood Bermuda in February 2020. 

“I just thought I would like to spend the rest of my life with Patricia,” Vincent said. “We complemented each other on what we liked to do. 

“Getting married gives you a happiness that you fully get to enjoy.” 

Patricia said getting married – rather than simply moving in together – was the only option. 

“As a Christian, I would have always wanted to be married before living together,” she said. “Marriage does seal the deal. It makes you feel completed. 

“It’s really no different being this age versus being 18 or 19. You still face challenges. You have to get used to each other. He’s got a whole life, you’ve got a whole life, you have got to blend it together.” 

The couple, whose first spouses had both passed, got to know each other when Patricia invited Vincent to join her table for dinner during a cruise holiday. 

It quickly became clear they had much in common, including walking at Spanish Point Park. 

As the relationship developed, Vincent said his heart would “quiver” each time they met, while Patricia said: “I discovered my heart would flutter a bit. I would go for my walk and I would think, ‘I wonder if he’s going to be there.’ 

“It’s no different when you are older. You still get excited the same way. You are just a little more cautious.” 

Although they had already agreed to get married, Patricia was swept off her feet when Vincent got down on one knee to propose, as the cruise ship waiter delivered a plate bearing the words: “Pat, will you marry me?” 

Yet their marriage has been more than just a charming adventure. 

Shortly after their honeymoon, both discovered they had contracted COVID-19. Vincent was in hospital for more than seven months, lost 50lbs and needed a wheelchair to get about. 

He has since made a remarkable recovery, and credits Patricia with giving him the courage and persistence to pull through. 

“Without her, I would have been down in a churchyard,” he said. 

Julia Pitt, a Bermuda-based success coach, said people who get married later in life usually do so from a position of wisdom. 

“After middle age, you have got a lot of life experience and hopefully know yourself quite a bit better than when you are younger,” she said. 

Ms Pitt said there can be many practical reasons to get married after middle age, including making your partner your legal next of kin, potential tax and financial benefits, and having a formal contractual commitment to one another. 

But she said many couples may choose not to marry after the age of 50. 

She advised that a wedding itself is not the “cherry on the cake”. 

“It’s the beginning of a lot of work to build and maintain a lifelong relationship,” she said. 

Ms Pitt encouraged couples to talk openly about issues such as finances and how their existing children may be impacted. She advised anyone with significant assets to speak individually with a lawyer. 

“If you can’t have those conversations, if you can’t be honest or open with your partner, my suggestion would be that you are not yet ready to get married,” she said. 

Another couple who faced the big marriage question after middle age are Nina London and Bill Rosser. 

Nina, a wellness coach, said it was love at first sight when she met Bill at the age of 47 and 56 respectively. 

Their relationship blossomed and five years later they were due to marry – only for Nina to discover she had stage 3 uterine cancer two weeks before their wedding day. 

She called Bill, whose mother had died from cancer, to say she could not go ahead with the wedding as she did not want to be a burden to him. 

“I felt that it was totally unfair to him,” she said. “Instead of getting an energetic bride, full of plans and laughter, he gets … who? Where will I be in a month or two?” 

Through Bill’s insistence that they should get married anyway, Nina became persuaded that he was her perfect man. 

Bill told her: “We’ll get married as planned and I will be with you, no matter what. I’ll be with you every minute. I will do everything to see that you are cured. We are a team. We love each other. I will not live apart from you. I will be there at the airport tomorrow to meet you.” 

Nina said: “For the first time, it struck home how he loves me: unconditionally and unwaveringly. I realised that he would not leave me alone for this awful combat, that he would always be on and by my side. We would be together during this upcoming heavyweight battle. 

“And he was with me – virtually every moment. The relationship we created during this struggle became so much deeper and more profound. We opened another layer of love, nurtured by appreciation, gratitude, respect and care.” 

They have now been married nearly six years, and Nina said: “Our love continues to grow and blossom. We keep surprising and delighting each other.” 

Heart-to-Heart Ministries, an organisation run by Allan and Mildred Hunt, promotes the institute of marriage for all ages, believing that marriages creates healthy families. 

Mr Hunt said: “The commitment from one to the other is something that strengthens as you go through life’s experiences. 

“Commitment takes on a life of its own. It’s about me as the partner of my wife, going to the next level of relationship which is sealed by a commitment.” 

The post Tying the Knot: A Profound Decision appeared first on RG Magazines.

Spring is around the corner heralding the arrival of warmer weather, kites, fish cakes and Easter eggs. For many, this is a time spent with extended family and friends, sharing food and revisiting traditions passed onto us by our parents and grandparents. 

For those of us in our 40s, it is important that we pass on these traditions to the younger generation, but what if you can’t remember or never quite mastered how to create your own kite or make your own fishcake? Don’t panic, expert help is out there. 

Kite Flying 

Watching brightly coloured, home-made Bermuda kites flying high and humming loudly above the island’s beaches is a highlight of Good Friday. To make your own, however, requires practice and skill, as does flying it. 

One of Bermuda’s most outstanding kite makers is Eugene O’Connor Sr, AKA the ‘Kite Master’. He has devoted over 75 years of his life to perfecting this art. 

While he enjoys making and selling his own kites, he believes the skill is an important part of Bermuda’s culture and heritage and he delights in teaching people how to make their own. He offers in-person and online tutorials and has authored ‘The Art of Kite Making’, “to help the kids work out how to do it.” 

Before you start, you need supplies. To make your own frame, you need sticks, cane, a small saw, hammer, nail, and string for the loop. To decorate you need scissors, tape, coloured tissue paper and glue. To fly the kite, you need the right amount of string and about 8 – 10 feet of old cloth for the tail. 

The best place to get all your supplies, says Mr O’Connor, is The Annex Toys on Reid Street. 

To watch Mr O’Connor’s online tutorial, visit: https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=gf0P7dfI5JE; You can also follow him on Facebook, fb.me/BermudaKiteMaster, and Instagram @bermudakitemaster. His book, The Art of Kite Making, is available at Brown & Co and The Bermuda Book Store. 

Fish Cakes 

What to do when you’re not flying a kite? Eat a freshly made fish cake in a hot cross bun of course, but if you’ve never made one before, try Bermudian food blogger Shay Ford’s recipe on her blog, My Eager Eats: https://myeagereats.com/bermuda-cod-fish-cakes/. 

She makes it simple to follow, so if you’re feeling brave, the kids can help too. If you’re going to enjoy yours with tartar sauce however, she recommends homemade over shop-bought, obviously, and there’s a great recipe for that too: https://myeagereats.com/?s=tartar+sauce. 

New Traditions 

Who says you have to stick with the old? Why not start some new traditions with your family or friends? 

For a start, cards and trees don’t just have to be for Christmas. ‘Yarn twig trees’, sold in Island Trading, can be used year after year. Add a truly island feel by adorning it with their bikini and swim shorts-wearing starfish ornaments or keep with tradition by hanging decorative Easter eggs. 

Easter cards are available from ESC to let your loved ones know you are thinking about them at this special time of year as well as Easter candles. Other decorative Easter-themed items are also available at Sousa’s Gardens. 

Get Crafty 

Homemade crafts are always precious, especially if they’ve been made by the young ones in your life. 

Make a simple Bermuda kite using craft sticks, tissue paper and glue, and place it on a windowsill for the sun to shine through. 

How about a homemade hanging egg for your ‘tree’ using card, ribbon, glitter glue, feathers, and wild imagination? The Stationary Store’s Burnaby Street location, has a colourful array of craft items to choose from. 

The post Keeping Traditions Alive appeared first on RG Magazines.

 by Vejay Steede 

 The way we interact with significant others in relationships defines us in many ways. Whether you’re a wife, a fiancé, a boyfriend, or a “special friend,” you would probably rather be a good one than not. Being a good friend, significant other, or loved one is not as easy as it seems though, especially when the world demands things of you, like it tends to do when you reach that decade between your thirsty thirties, and nifty fifties. 

We spoke to some middle-aged folks who know plenty about maintaining strong relationships through our forties; they had quite a bit to say! 

Dr Ernest Peets is a Pastor and marriage Counselor who has been married to his wife, Julie Peets for 25 years. Both Dr and Mrs Peets offered their insights on keeping relationships robust and fulfilling in our forties. 

Dr Peets starts simple: “Each decade of marriage has its unique challenges, the key to keeping your relationship strong throughout your 40’s is the same for someone in your 20’s. The advice we were given was to continue dating. Quality time and just enjoying each other’s company are even more important when in your 40’s.” 

Mrs Peets echoes her husband’s counsel: “My husband and I try to make a point to spend time together. Going on dates became a weekly thing for us as a couple before we had children. As each child came, we would plan our dates ahead of time to ensure we had some time together. 

“Communication is key. Making a point to have a date night is important. Support one another’s dream. When I was 43, I had a desire to go back to school. My husband supported that desire. I went back to school and received my bachelor’s degree in Education. Those four years meant being separated for months at a time. I am thankful for technology; I had the ability to talk to my husband daily.” 

The Relationship Expert, Tina Laws, offers a more detailed breakdown of forty-something relationships: 

“By now, you should have an understanding of your desired relationship. Whether happily married, cohabiting, dating, recovering from a divorce, breakup, or seeking the significant other of your dreams, you should always show up to the table mirroring your expectations. Strong can mean various things to different people. However, for most of my clients in their forties, a strong relationship consists of having a mutual understanding, financial security, commitment, stability, honesty, respect, sincerity, compassion, and regular affection. If you are displaying at least 3 of these traits you are already off to a strong start or continuation. If not, maybe your idea of a strong relationship isn’t mutual but rather a one-sided agreement between you and the person looking back at you in the mirror.” 

On the topic of romance, love, and affection in our forties, Dr Peets asserts that: “Love has two important components, commitment and affection (love/romance). There is no such thing as a stress or problem-free marriage; therefore, keeping your commitment and affection flourishing while managing parenting, paying bills, and doing marriage and family helps couples stay together and be happier.” 

Mrs Peets expounds with: “Keeping the romance alive in a marriage is not that hard. For me I never set high expectations on what we did together. What was important was making time for one another. Giving full attention (no distractions) was important too. Just spending alone time with my spouse was important. Going out for a drive, getting ice cream, or a stroll on the beach was a highlight for my evening as long as I was with my best friend.” 

Ms Laws speaks more directly: “In your forties, you should’ve already experienced a heartbreak, established a career (or recalculating), be living comfortably, be financially focused, and understand the importance of partnership. At this stage in life, the purpose of being in a relationship is to enjoy life outside of a busy career. The truth of the matter is individuals who lack the ability to be romantic or show their love and affection to their partner have yet to get over a past hurt or don’t know how. Displaying romance, love and affection in the relationship is a way of showing your significant other just how much you appreciate and are still very much attracted to them.” 

Dr and Mrs Peets, who will be renewing their vows for the second time soon, closed with the following tips for forty-somethings who want to keep the fire alive in long-term relationships: 

“First, if you don’t have a regular schedule for a date night, start one! Mix it up a bit, take turns with who decides on what to do on your date night. Second, weekend getaways for quality to refresh your relationship.” (Dr Peets) 

“Communicate every day, share a common interest: i.e., sports, hobby, let your spouse know you love them every day. 2022 makes 25 years of marriage. This is an important milestone in our marriage. My husband and I have planned to renew our marriage vows to one another. Nothing big, just small and intimate with a few friends and family.” (Mrs Julie Peets) 

Dr and Mrs Peets are simply adorable. 

Ms Laws closes with a flourish, offering extensive expert tips to keep that fire burning strong: 

“Be spontaneous – although schedules can be demanding, it’s extremely important to plan last minute (pop-up) dates. Some during lunch or directly after work, others during the weekend or during your free time. 

“Schedule a monthly business meeting – Yes, you should always manage your financial and household affairs together. Finances, or the lack thereof, is one of the primary causes of a divorce, separation, or bitterness in relationships. Having such meetings is a great way to connect and share your input as to how the finances are flowing. 

“Follow your passion – There are some couples who desire the same things, while other couples have totally different thoughts, dreams, and desires. In both instances, you should always schedule some alone time and do what you love. This is also another opportunity to provoke an interesting conversation when together. 

“Don’t be afraid to go against the grain – instead of waiting for your significant other to plan the next vacation, you plan it. Schedule a meeting with a travel agent and allow them to assist you with your next location. Wrap the itinerary in a delicate box with a bow and place it on the pillow just before bedtime. This is a great way of provoking a romantic pillow conversation. Most importantly, your significant other will feel extremely special and appreciated. 

“Always apologise when you’ve offended your significant other – A simple ‘Honey, I’m sorry’ can save you years of resentment. Believe it or not, 40% of the couples I coached in 2020 – 2021 struggled to meet each other in the middle because of something said or done that offended them and was never resolved. When you apologise, what you are saying to your significant other is that you will never do it again. Moreso, their heart is safe with you.” 

Tina Laws is a professional Relationship Coach who can be contacted on: Tinalawsconsulting@gmail. com. She can also be found on Instagram at Tinatlaws50, or through her website, Tinalawsconsulting.com. 

The post The Middle Ages of Love: A Time of Plenty appeared first on RG Magazines.