Are men completely to blame if they cheat, or is it also the woman’s fault? Can you ever get past the opening credits when watching Netflix, and why use Tinder when the chase is half the fun?
In this issue of RG Magazine the island’s men are the focus of our Love on the Rock series; and like the women before them, they aren’t holding back.
We asked some of the island’s top guns for their opinions on love…well, alright, sex….life, and dating on the island. Here’s what Hollywood, Goose, Iceman, Jester and Maverick had to say about being a single guy in Bermuda.
And remember, don’t hate the player ladies, hate the game:
Have you read the RG Summer article, what was your reaction to it?
Hollywood: I didn’t read the summer edition of the RG. This question makes me think I should’ve!
Iceman: I could definitely relate to some of the answers, although I suppose everyone’s experiences of love on the island are bound to differ.
Maverick: I was kinda looking more for a Bermudian woman’s perspective. And it seemed as though these woman were doing a lot of club dating.
What are the realities of dating in Bermuda for a single man?
Hollywood: The biggest challenges I find dating as a middle aged single man (generalising of course) is the younger women tend to be immature, and seemingly living their lives like they’re on a reality show. The older women seem to be jaded from previous bad relationships.
Goose: Dating for a single man in Bermuda is good and bad. It’s good in that we are outnumbered by women like 14 or 15 to one. It’s bad because there are a lot of hurt or damaged women that have been mistreated.
Iceman: Bermuda is obviously a tiny island and therefore the pool of prospective partners is significantly smaller than it would in a city like London or New York. Maybe you just have to be a bit more proactive, though. Dating can be a potential minefield regardless of whether you’re in a big city or small island.
Jester: Some realities to consider; the proximity (not in terms of physical distance) of your potential partner’s ex relations (people they have been involved with). There is only like two or three degrees of separation. The lack of privacy a small community affords you, and limited options because of family relations.
Maverick: We got options – and we have even more if your game is tight. It all depends on your stage in life. If you want to play the game, dating is easy. All you have to do is get it right with one and not blow up the bridge. After that, word of mouth works to your benefit. On the other hand, if you are looking to settle down, dating a lot of women doesn’t work to your benefit as much. You gotta sift through the sand to find the best one that suits you.
What’s the worst thing that has happened to you on a date?
Hollywood: I think the worst thing that has happened on a date is the lady continually talked about her ex and then proceeded to cry into her dessert, all while answering text messages.
Goose: Just didn’t connect. No convo or interest. We ate and then said goodnight.
Iceman: I foolishly agreed to go on a blind date (pre-Tinder era, back in the UK). I knew it was a mistake within a matter of seconds.
Jester: Found out my date was my cousin.
Maverick: This girl’s breath stunk. Not a good impression. I wanted to leave so bad, so after dinner I bailed.
Has Netflix and chill become the new normal?
Hollywood: “Netflix and chill” usually means it’s someone you don’t want be seen with in public for whatever reason. Good luck getting across the opening credits!
Iceman: Probably not a great idea for a first date. I’m a big fan of “Netflix and chill”, though.
Jester: I wouldn’t say the new normal but it is very much accepted as a date these days. There is no longer a need to plan and execute a traditional date.
Maverick: Sure. It’s easier to date this way so you don’t have to go out in public and have people all in your business. Bermuda is small. If you have Bermudians seeing every person you date – they start making stories.
What was the craziest thing that someone has done in a relationship?
Hollywood: The craziest thing that has happened in a relationship is being obsessionally accused of cheating. Apparently I was sleeping with my dental hygienist, my admin assistant, her friends! Basically any female that said hello to me in her presence constituted something nefarious.
Iceman: Isn’t everyone a little crazy?
Maverick: A girl came to my house one morning. I acted like I had just woken up when really I had just come home. She poured water on my bike muffler and yelled “Then why is your bike still hot?!”
Would you date a person who makes more money than you do?
Hollywood: Sure. Bermuda is a matriarchal society. Chances are your female partner will make more then you, get over it!
Iceman: No problem with that. Don’t see why that should be an issue these days.
Jester: Yes. My manhood is not determined by income but impact and value I’m able to add. Being totally comfortable with one’s self is the prerequisite to not being intimidated by other people including a partner.
Maverick: Hell yeah! As long as she realises I am still the man of the household.
You can always tell by the ones that have been in multiple short-term relationships, or just have ‘special friends’. You know, the ones that can’t keep a man
Would you continue to date someone who was willing to sleep with you on a first date?
Hollywood: Sure, especially if it’s good. We’re grown folks! However, in the back of my mind I might be thinking ‘does she do this with everyone?’
Goose: Yes, if there is a connection that’s more than just physical.
Iceman: Of course. Sometimes it works out that way, other times it can take a few good dates. No big deal.
Jester: Usually the answer to that would be no, but I actually am. When the connection is good, most rules become superficial.
Maverick: Come on – of course! When you are younger, yes you think about that stuff but when you get older that don’t matter no more. Let’s be realistic, grown folks are sure and move at a faster pace. When you get older you get over the dream that the girl who waits to give you sex is the “perfect girl” and wifey material.
Do women in Bermuda have unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating?
Hollywood: I’m not sure whether you can call it unrealistic, but I do find that they have a problem defining what dating really is. For example, are we dating exclusively? If you see me out two weeks later on another date that doesn’t make me a dog, I’m dating!
Goose: For some, yes. You can always tell by the ones that have been in multiple short-term relationships, or just have ‘special friends’. You know, the ones that can’t keep a man.
Iceman: Not that I’ve experienced. It’s the same as anywhere else I’ve been. I’m not one for grand gestures or spending big on a first date, it smacks a bit of desperation.
Jester: I don’t think so. I find their expectations to be very low in some cases. I’m not sure if that’s a function of the age bracket that I date in where women feel their time is running out so they settle, or if it’s a function of the lack of quality option available to them.
Maverick: Yes! Every woman wants to fall in love on the first date. They don’t even want to get to know you. They just want to tell you how much they love you and that they can see us together forever. Women fall for talk easily. They look for too much too fast and I am a man – I move at my own pace.
Do you use hook-up apps when you are travelling?
Hollywood: No, I don’t use hook up apps when I travel. I try to take someone with me so that isn’t an issue.
Iceman: I have done, if I’m travelling alone then it’s fun to meet up with new people from that country. Not necessarily just to “hook-up”. I guess that’s a bonus if it happens.
Jester: No, I don’t use social media except Whatsapp.
Maverick: I never have. I don’t have a need to. I get off on the thrill of the chase! Going to a place and hooking up naturally – the entire experience. Apps are short cuts and I’m just not interested.
Would you sleep with a person your friend had already slept with?
Hollywood: Bermuda is a tricky place because the eligible dating pool is so small. If you hang around long enough there is going to be some cross over. The most important thing is how you handle it.
Iceman: In Bermuda that can be inevitable.
Jester: I would sleep with them, but chances are I would not date them in a serious relationship.
Maverick: It’s happened. Sometimes you have girls who want to go through the team.
Do all Bermudian men cheat, or is that an unfair characterisation?
Hollywood: That’s an unfair characterisation, but I can see why women would feel that way. Bermudian women might be just better at it!
Goose: Unfair! Not all Bermudian men cheat. My outlook is a man can’t cheat by himself. Women are just as involved/guilty as men. In some cases, they are even worse than men.
Iceman: I think some men cheat in every country. Bermuda is no exception. Is it more acceptable here? Maybe.
Jester: That’s an unfair characterisation. No blanket character statement of a certain demographic is fair.
Maverick: I wouldn’t say all, but a good bit do. A lot depends on the kind of relationship a guy has with his partner. Some relationships are holding on just for the sake of saying they are in a relationship. Then you have the few that are in a real relationship and don’t cheat.
Would you date someone with children?
Hollywood: I’m middle aged so the chances of me finding a partner in an already limited dating pool without children is very slim. You have to be willing to accept the calf with the cow, or you will find yourself very lonely.
Goose: I have. There are a lot of single moms in Bermuda, young and old. Females without children are slim pickings these days, that, or they are too young.
Iceman: I have done. If you like someone enough it’s just something you have to deal with.
Jester: No, the intention is not to and so far I haven’t. But as time grows longer most people’s standards are likely to soften. As long as I am childless, I think this will be a deal breaker.
Maverick: Yes, I would date someone with children. However, I prefer [if they are] up to five years old. You can groove with them a lot better when they are young.